So...it's been a super long time since I posted anything. I should probably make a post with fun pictures and happy things or whatever, but I decided to blog without that stuff right now. So if you're looking for pictures, etc...better go to someone else's blog. Ha ha.
I'm just having a ridiculously hard time with life right now. I know I'm extremely blessed to have a husband that loves me and enough money (most of the time anyway) to pay the bills, etc. But I really don't feel that way very often. I cry at least once a day, literally. Sometimes it's more than once. Sometimes I'm crying so hard that my head starts to hurt. I don't like going to work anymore. I feel like I never laugh, and those of you who knew me before, know that's EXTREMELY unusual. I used to laugh at everything. I'm starting to have self esteem issues for the first time since high school. My apartment is always a wreck because I have absolutely no motivation to clean when I'm home, which doesn't feel like that much lately anyway. I look at people around me who seem happy and I don't want to be around those people. I know they have problems too, don't get me wrong. I just don't want to be around them if they APPEAR happy...
Plus, I am constantly feeling bad about what I say to Travis. He wants me to talk to him about things, and tell him what's going on, but when I do, he starts to get upset because I have hurt his feelings or something. He gets upset with me for not talking to him, and then gets depressed when I do tell him. Then I feel bad, and the whole cycle starts over again. I know the first year of marriage is hard or whatever, but COME ON. I didn't really think it would be depressing.
It's awesome. I really don't have anything left to say, so if you're still reading...go do something happy.
Mr. Pax
16 years ago
Oh Gina. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. That's not cool at all. It's especially hard when you feel you can't talk to your own husband. I don't have the best advice to give since I haven't really been in your situation, but I have known some people who have. Try talking to your bishop. I know that's difficult to do, but it really does help. That is what he is there for, to help the members of his ward. If he can't help, I'm sure he knows of someone who can. I think the best medicine for depression is to talk to someone who cares and wants to help.
ReplyDeleteI wish we lived closer, I'd come and give you some fun girl time! I know I need it too being around all these boys! Seriously though, if you don't feel you have anyone to talk to, please feel free to give me a call. Even just to vent. I'm good at listening.
Gina, I am sorry you are having such a hard time! I don't know why or what is going on, but I definitely want you to be happy and enjoy life! I don't even know if you want advice or anything, but my heart goes out to you! If you ever want to unload, please do! I even created a private journal for myself because it is easier to type then write and it helped to write everything down (You can even show Travis later if you ever wanted to). I hope things get better!
ReplyDeleteMy sweet little Gina!! I am sad to hear that you are going through a rough time. No fun! My sister is going through some crappy times too. Her husband is a poop stain!!!!! I don't know Travis but when I saw your guys wedding pictures I thought...awe what a sweetie. He will make my Gina happy. I don't know what is going on if it was a certain situation that is making you sad or what. I hope you get better soon. We love you! I have to tell you that when I think of you I think of you laughing and wrinkeling your nose. I love that about you! Kisses!!
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